ughhhhhh

I keep asking myself why my babies can't seem to sleep well at night. I must admit that I have always wanted to have a lot of children. But, now, I don't know if I could handle a third or forth bad sleeper. I don't know how my grandmother raised 9 children--all a year apart in age--and still maintained sanity. I bet she never slept. She never complains about it though. I feel like such a wimp for complaining about it so much, but I am getting a little scared to go back to work knowing that Baylen is still not sleeping well at all at night. I have tried having confidence in him, but it quickly depletes when he's up from 1-3:30 a.m. crying and nothing seems to be working. He has been doing better about sleeping on his back in the bassinet. But, the past couple nights he has this 2-3 hour phase in the middle of the night where he wants to cluster feed or be held or cry or get a tummy ache, or spit up puddles of milk, or whatever it is...there's always something. I keep praying to God to just let him get some peaceful rest and let his momma get some too...but for some reason, this prayer is not being answered. I keep asking myself why everyone else seems to have babies that sleep better at night. He's going to be 6 weeks old on Thursday and I go back to work on May 5th. I just don't know how I am going to function. I had this same sinking feeling when I was getting ready to return to work after having Brynn and I was off for like 12 weeks with her and she still was sleeping awful. I remember just being in a daze for weeks at school and it was no fun. :( Tonight I'm going to try giving his first 2 night feedings with bottles of bm and see if that makes any difference vs. the natural way to feed him. Perhaps that will stop the cluster feeding problem. Sometimes I think he thinks he needs the boob to fall asleep--his way to self-soothe b/c he doesn't know how else to fall asleep. There are times when he refuses the pacifier and just wants to pretend to nurse, but really he falls asleep. grrrr Oh and to top it off, Brynn woke up right as Baylen fell back asleep and so I had to go in and rock her. No sleep for momma is going to catch up with her soon.

All of this wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have yearbook pages to finish (due Thursday), 2 papers to finish for my class (due Thursday), a class to attend (Thursday), photos to go take today after school for the yearbook, plus a Power Point preso to start and finish by May 5th. So much for being relaxed on maternity leave.

Okay that is my rant for today. I'm tired b/c my husband is out of town and whenever he's gone, my children seem to relapse.